So… where do I begin?
My husband and I finally took the leap. We were on the way to the fertility clinic to meet with the doctor. We weren’t sure what to expect but we knew what we wanted and we were ready to ask plenty of questions. Our doctor made the visit so comfortable and made us feel cared about. We left out of that office hopeful and with a plan of action. Just like that we were off to the pharmacy to begin our journey. Fast forward a few weeks. We are anxiously waiting, counting down the days to take a pregnancy test. I had to stop myself from taking a test everyday. Friday was here and I waited for my husband to leave for work. I got up and took the pregnancy test.
OMG!! It’s positive! ON THE FIRST TRY!
I called my husband and we were elated. I was so excited I changed my clothes and drove 30 minutes to my parents house. I just had to tell them. My husband called me 20 times that day. We were both way too excited to even try to contain it. It was the best feeling in the world.
I started getting all the symptoms. Everything was going fine. I was beyond happy and taking selfies as the days progressed. One day at work I was feeling wonky. I had some cramps and after lunch I went to the bathroom only to realize I had started bleeding. I was freaking out. I rushed to the doctor and they did bloodwork. Everything was perfectly fine. What a scare!!!
Well next doctor appointment came and more blood work was done. This time my hcg didn’t increase the way it was supposed to. They were suspecting an ectopic pregnancy. Man our hearts were broken. We prayed so hard for a miracle, they had to be wrong. All I could think about was having to end my pregnancy because if I did nothing it could cost my life. I wanted this baby more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I loved this baby more than I have ever imagined I could love another being.
The next visit confirmed that there was no baby in the uterus. It kind of looked like there was something in the left tube but he couldn’t tell for sure. More bloodwork. Then we would decide what next. The next morning I started having terrible cramps, my left side, my lower tummy area and my back were killing me and I just knew what was going on. I went to the bathroom and sure enough I had started bleeding. This time the bleeding didn’t stop. The doctor said my body was just trying to work itself out.
I lost my baby…
I am beyond grateful that I didn’t have to take anything to terminate my pregnancy. I felt like god answered my prayers and let it happen naturally. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself. Above all I am grateful for being able to have the experience of loving my baby even if it was short lived. My baby was here. It was in my tummy. No one can take that away from me. Our time will come. I won’t give up.
Positivity is a lifestyle.