Like a hurricane my life became a whirlwind of chaos in an instant. I never imagined having to experience a miscarriage. Not only was it raining in my life, it was pouring. Firstly I had to deal with the pain of losing my precious baby. I felt so helpless and empty. On top of that my husband was also taking the loss harshly. This put a huge strain on our relationship. Instead of feeling supported and understood, I felt lonely in my misery. I kept thinking “how can he be taking this so bad when I am the one who carried the baby in my body, I am the one who had all the symptoms”. We were drained financially, emotionally and physically. The stress was becoming overbearing and I just kept holding everything in.
My husband began suffering from anxiety attacks. I felt like I had to be strong for the both of us. Life was becoming too burdensome. My husband saw his Dr. and the medicine they gave him made it worse. Finally after trial and error meds that work. I became well versed in internalizing my emotions. I had to be strong for my husband. He needed me to be his rock. At the same time I was so emotional I just couldn’t stand him. We began arguing a lot. His job ended up sending him on a project 6 hrs from home. It didn’t make anything better.
The night he left I started to notice what looked like mosquito bites all over my arm and legs. I took a shower and decided to take some Benadryl. When I woke up the next morning the bites were gone and I went to work. Everything was normal until around 7pm. I started noticing mosquito bites all over my body. I doused myself in bug spray and headed to my friends house. I was getting so itchy it was hard to concentrate and those bumps on my body were fusing together and swelling by the second. I found some Benadryl in my purse and took it right away and I began heading home.
Long story short…. it didn’t work and I called my Dr.
My body was reacting to all my internalized emotions and caused me to breakout into this terrible rash. I finally allowed myself to let go and cried and mourned and talked to whoever would listen to me. I posted about my baby and my feelings on my social media outlets. I realized that if I kept keeping my grief to myself my body was going to let it out one way or another. I needed to take charge and it was ok to feel sad and mourn my loss. Today I am feeling much better and I am beyond grateful to those wonderful people in my life that checked on me everyday and helped me let out my emotions. Letting go and letting out all the pent up emotions I had was a way of loving myself and my body appreciated that so much. Now I am rash free.
Positivity is a lifestyle!